Jewish women inspired to ‘Count Your Blessings’ at Tichyeh Schochet conference

Against a backdrop of hushed laughter and murmurs of agreement, the Brown RISD Hillel chapel nearly overflowed with women, largely from the Orthodox community, friends and neighbors side by side, many furiously taking notes.

The event, on Nov. 20, was The Tichyeh Schochet Memorial Conference for Jewish Women, and the keynote speaker was Ruchi Koval, of Cleveland, a  certified parenting coach, motivational speaker, musician and author.

In her keynote address, an animated Koval explained the ways Jewish women can be like Elijah the Prophet on their life journeys: Doing external work to help transform who we are and how we relate to Torah, and influencing our community by managing facial expressions, providing validation and completing easy mitzvot.

Koval said “sweating the small stuff” can be a tool to bring light and kindness to places where our stress, our impatience and, yes, the simple fact of our humanity may make it, at times, difficult.

In her overflowing breakout session, “No Judges, No Grudges,” Koval said, “The question really is, what kind of life do we want to lead?” She went on to illustrate examples of beginner, intermediate and advanced skills that can redefine the assumptions and negative attitudes we create about others.  

Beginning level is where we imagine a backstory to a situation, one that makes the person we are inclined to judge negatively look like a hero. For example, “My sister overspent at the store, and is once again in trouble with money” could be reimagined as “My sister overspent at the store because she is so busy being such a present and loving mother to her children that she happened to forget her budget.”

Intermediate level would be if we are bold enough to actually decide that a person’s perceived weakness is in fact, when viewed from another angle, a strength. “My sister overspent at the store because she is so generous in her gift giving. How lucky I am to have such a giving sister!”

Finally, only the bravest, most committed among us can execute advanced-level skills, wherein we decide to ignore our negative perceptions and instead focus on the beauty of the person within. Koval used the example of a dirty windowpane – the wise among us, she said, can learn to see through the dirty window to view the amazing scene on the other side of the glass. Suddenly, the dirt on the window seems minor, because we have chosen to see the beauty beyond it.

LEAH BOURAMIA is an educator who lives in Warwick.