Life lessons from my father

My dad had some hard and fast rules. When he said, “Stop!” he expected us to stop dead in our tracks. His reasoning was that perhaps he could see something my brother and I could not, and stopping might save our lives.

Another of his favorites was, “If we get separated in a crowd, do not move from the spot where you are when you realize we are not together. Two people looking for each other may never find each other. However, if one person stays in place, there is a good chance they might be found by the other person.”  

Here’s another: When driving with dad in foul weather, no matter how much the car might slip and slide, do not yell, scream or cry: Distracting the driver could cause a major accident.

Another lesson was one he first learned himself – the hard way. When dad was a teenager, he once came home in the wee hours of the morning. My zayde was waiting up for him and said, “Nathan, why are you home so late?” Dad responded, “I had a flat tire and had to leave the car at the gas station and walk home.” Oh, said my zayde, and the two of them went to bed.

In the morning, my dad told his father that he had to go see about the car. Zayde said, it’s a nice day, I will walk with you to the car. Dad began walking with his father toward the gas station, knowing that he had made up the story and was really out all night with his friends. The closer they got to the station, the more my dad began to panic. He finally had to tell his father the story was all a lie. This is what my dad liked to call, “Being given enough rope to hang yourself.” Many times when my brother or I were trying to get away with a “tall story,” my dad would look at us and say, “Tell me when you have enough rope.”

But my favorite father story involves my sons. My boys spent a great deal of time in my dad’s workplace. Every so often, one of them would say, “Pop, could you loan me $10?” Pop said of course, but when you are ready to pay me back, do not give the money to me, instead put the $10 in the bottom drawer of my desk. Time would pass and they might find themselves in need of another loan. Asking Pop for another 10 spot, he cheerfully answered, “Of course. Just go into my bottom drawer and take the first 10 you borrowed.”  What a wonderful life lesson: a person cannot take out what they didn’t put in.

MAY-RONNY ZEIDMAN is the executive director of the Sandra Bornstein Holocaust Education Center.