A Brief Resource Guide to Jewish Weddings

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One of the most enduring books for couples planning a Jewish wedding is Anita Diamant’s “The New Jewish Wedding.”  Many of you may be most familiar with Diamant as the prize-winning Boston Globe journalist and novelist who wrote “The Red Tent,” “Good Harbor,” “The Last Days of Dogtown” and the soon-to-be-published “Rockport Lodge.”

She also writes guides to Jewish practice. “The New Jewish Wedding” first appeared in 1985, but Diamant revised and updated it in 2001. She covers everything, from “Making the Tradition Your Own” to all aspects of planning the wedding (choosing a rabbi, invitations, rings, the party) and all aspects of Jewish wedding ceremonies (Tenaim, the Huppah, the Ketubah). She even deals with genetic testing. Her appendices include wedding poems. This book is published by Fireside/Simon & Schuster.

Gabrielle Kaplan-Mayer wrote “The Creative Jewish Wedding Book: A Hands-On Guide to New & Old Traditions, Ceremonies & Celebrations.” Kaplan-Mayer’s book is not a planning guide. Rather, it is more of a guide to creating the wedding of your dreams by shaping your own ceremony, thinking creatively about Jewish food and music, crafting your own Ketubah, and considering wedding décor and clothing Jewish Lights Publishing is the source for this book.

One powerful part of any wedding is music, especially the processional. Jews tend to stay away from “Here Comes the Bride,” as its composer, Wagner, was a well-known anti-Semite. In my own wedding, and those of many of our friends, we used Erev ha-Shoshanim (Evening of Lillies)Ani L’Dodi v’Dodi Li (I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine) is a popular Biblical verse that has been set to music. As a recently released film mentions, Hava Nagilah has become the quintessential song of Jewish wedding parties, not just of hockey games. A great resource for appropriate music is “Kol Dodi: Jewish Music for Weddings,” edited by Mary Feinsinger for Transcontinental Music Publications. This comes in two formats:  printed music and a two-set DVD.

However, there are many areas that couples deal with even before they start planning a wedding:  intimacy, friends, names, finances, and so on. “Meeting at the Well: A Jewish Spiritual Guide to Being Engaged,” by Daniel Judson and Nancy H. Wiener, deals with these pre-wedding topics. It is available from the URJ Press (Union for Reform Judaism)

The Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis offers an Orthodox perspective in “The Committed Marriage:  A Guide to Finding a Soul Mate and Building a Relationship Through Timeless Biblical Wisdom.”  It begins with finding your soul mate and goes on to building a loving relationship and on to growing old together in dignity. The publisher is HarperOne.

“The Aleph-Bet of Marriage: Journeying Toward Commitment,” is in a similar veinIn addition to intimacy, it deals with communicating, fighting fair and the art of negotiating. It is written by Lynn Levy and is available from URJ Press

Some people are often overlooked at weddings. Among them are children, who may be invited to an event that they know nothing about “Beni’s First Wedding” by Jane Breskin Zalben (Henry Holt and Company) is a fine introduction in the form of a story. “Mazal-Tov: A Jewish Wedding” by Jose Patterson (and the Jewish Museum of London) is a more direct photographic introduction for children to what happens at Jewish weddings.

Hardly any wedding, or any ritual event these days, is solely a Jewish affair. Non-Jews who would like to know what may occur could be directed to “How to Be a Perfect Stranger: A Guide to Etiquette in Other People’s Religious Ceremonies.” Edited by Arthur J. Magida and published by Jewish Lights in two volumes, it has a few pages on wedding ceremonies (and most other rituals) in dozens of different religions, not just our own. It covers proper attire, gifts, details of the ceremony and the reception.

Last, there are the possible new spouse and the new in-laws. Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky, author of “Making a Successful Jewish Interfaith Marriage,” has also written “Introducing My Faith and My Community: The Jewish Outreach Institute Guide for the Christian in a Jewish Interfaith Relationship.” This is a compact guide to Judaism and Jewish life.

Note: These resources are in the Jewish Alliance Library. Contact Larry Katz at LKatz@jewishallianceri.org.